I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
