I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
