Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
