He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
