I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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