i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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