yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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