I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
