yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
