Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
