I am spending my child support on dildos
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
