I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found puke in my bra..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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