I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
