It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
