Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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