You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
