What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
