My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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