I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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