That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
