Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
