So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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