I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
