he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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