So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
