I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
