Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
