Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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