i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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