Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
