We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
