Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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