There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
