Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
