The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
