i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
