YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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