What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
