Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
