"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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