I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
