Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just google imaged poop.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I need water and some morals
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
