Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
a search helicopter?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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