Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
