the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
