all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
