I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
