turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
