wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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