I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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