You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
